i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Randomize
