ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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