he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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