I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
