I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
