i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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