Don't you send me to vm
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
