I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
