Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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