just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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