i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
