I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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