are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
