at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
