There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
