Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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