dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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