i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
