i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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