Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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