You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
