Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
