u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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