I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just cut my nipple shaving
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
