Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
