We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
