I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
