Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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