Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
