I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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