words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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