After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
