There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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