I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
