I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize