you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Life is so much better after having sex.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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