no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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