dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
