Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize