i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
