your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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