Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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