I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
