He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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