yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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