3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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