What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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