I want to make a zoo with you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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