This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
