Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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