You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Terrible idea I love it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
