covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize