Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
