i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
