She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
