my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
