Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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