you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
