what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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