he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
